Funny how my newsletter this week was going to be about how to stop playing small so you can live your purpose and shine your light. Because last night I felt totally unseen, insignificant and like I didn’t matter.
Do you get that way sometimes?
I used to get that way all the time. In fact, it was my biggest wound. Feeling left out, not being important and being insignificant haunted my youth and teens.
It’s funny how old memories can get triggered by new cuts.
The cut this week came in the form of an unintentional forgetting – an invitation to co-facilitate an event along with a hand-selected group of epic women leaders, and then the host completely forgetting that she asked me, which left me literally all dressed up and ready to go, but left out at the last minute.
With unintentional forgetting the blow is deep. To the other person it’s a small oversight – a blip on the screen – and their beat goes on. But you’re left with the ripple of insignificance. The echo of unimportance and the crushing blow of disappointment.
It’s hard to know what to do with it.
This is the kind of stuff that easy to stuff down. We can tell ourselves to stop being so sensitive and just get over it – that it’s not a big deal. We can swallow our anger, smoothing over our rage with placations as we tell ourselves to let it go.
We can also binge over it – food, alcohol, tv, technology. Or it can settle so deeply into the well-defined groove of our inner unworthiness that it pushes us into further isolation and depression.
Yes, a trigger like this can pull the plug on our confidence and push us into patterns of pretending and putting on a happy face – leaving us feeling cut off and totally alone.
If you relate to any of those ways of dealing with what you’re feeling, then I want to share with you what I did with this situation instead that allowed me to stay free from the grips of self pity, sabotage and searing rage.