Do you feel blocked by self doubt?
If so, you’re not alone. Self doubt is an epidemic among smart women.
Even when we appear confident to others, inside is often a world of second-guessing, negative thinking and low worth.
Why does this happen?
Some of us we were outright told by someone when we were young that we were wrong or couldn’t trust our instinct.
Others felt like we were never heard or taken seriously so we figured what we had to say wasn’t valuable.
Still others of us had made so many promises to ourselves that we didn’t keep that we lost confidence in ourselves.
Whatever the reason, at some point, we began questioning everything about ourselves and instead of turning within for our sense of trust, worth, meaning and safety, we “Outsourced” that job to others.
We stopped listening to our gut instinct. We let others tell us what is right and wrong. We let information replace our own intuition, and we got further and further away from our true selves.
This is a phenomenon I call the “External Feedback Loop.”
The External Feedback Loop is where you “outsource” your sense of worth and identity to others and so that the way you see yourself is caught up with how others perceive or treat you.
For example, if you get attention, you make that mean that you’re worthy. If you get ignored, you make that mean that you’re not important.
Your entire orientation shifts from being internally centered to being externally focused.
Some common “Outsourcing” patterns are people pleasing, pretending, performing, proving, playing small, holding back, avoiding speaking up, being inauthentic, trying to be perfect or trying to get others to like us.
If you’ve ever been caught up with patterns like these you know that living this way is exhausting…
You never feel like you’re doing enough. You can’t relax and everything feels out of control.
So how do we get out of The External Feedback Loop?
In order to get out of The External Feedback Loop, the first thing you need to do is recognize it for what it is. The External Feedback Loop is not something happening to you. The External Feedback Loop is a coping technique you developed at one point as a way of dealing with life.
(This is good news! Because it means that nothing else has to change on the outside for you to get totally free of it!)
Next you need to go from “Outsourcing” your sense of trust, worth and identity to “Re-Sourcing” them. This is done by shifting from the External Feedback Loop to Your Inner Guidance System.
Your Inner Guidance System is a 3-Part System comprised of your Gut Instinct, Your 6th Sense Intuition and Divine Inspiration. This is like your trifecta of trust.
When you are connected with your Inner Guidance System, even if you don’t have the answer in the moment, you trust that you will have it exactly when you need it so you can relax and take it easy.
The most profound benefit of being reunited with your Inner Guidance System is that your sense of worth and value comes from deep within, so you are free to engage with others and the world around you without holding back, editing or fearing what others might think.
This allows you to relax, feel calm and be authentically expressed.
How do you connect to your Inner Guidance System?
Below are 3 keys to help you get started with that right away.
Cultivate your Gut Instinct by connecting IN your body. Your body is a wellspring of wisdom and is constantly sending you messages to help inform you in each moment. By tapping into your body you can get direct feedback on what is a true “yes” or “no” in any situation. Learning the subtle cues and sensations that your body uses to communicate to you is an art. To get started with your practice of connecting more deeply with your body, download these 5 Top Presence Practices.
Access more of your Intuition by cultivating the courage to follow through on the messages that you are already getting. Most of the time it’s actually not that we aren’t hearing our intuition. Typically what is happening is that we lack the confidence to follow through with what we are hearing. Or we fear making the wrong choice so we toggle back and forth and get anxious. Here’s where taking any action is the “right” thing. It’s better to be decisive and learn from your experience than to perpetually be on the fence and hold back. To help you cultivate more courage, watch this video: How To Have The Confidence To Put Yourself Out There
Receive more Divine Inspiration by clearing what’s blocking you from it.The universe is constantly trying to gift us with the exact guidance we need in each moment. The problem is that when we are blocked it’s like we’re playing energetic pinball with that guidance and then we end up feeling alone and unsupported. The first step in breaking through your blocks is to first get clarity on where you might be stuck. Check out these resources to help you with that: Free From Food Addiction Self-Assessment or The Congruence Code Accelerator. Once you’ve gotten the clarity, the next thing you’ll want to do is get the support on exactly how to get free from the things that are blocking you. It’s ironic to think of getting support from someone when we’re really trying to get back to us! But often times we need support to help guide us through our sabotage and sticking points so that we can get back to ourselves. If you’re ready for that step, you can do that right here: http://getsupport.today.
Now that you have some tools on how to start getting back in touch with your Inner Guidance System…I’m curious, what would be possible in your life if you did trust yourself fully?
leave a comment and let me know! 😉
In dedication of all of you,
xoDeb