Are you saying yes to something even though your gut says no? Do you people please instead of speaking up? Do you feel like you just can’t be you sometimes?
If you find yourself monitoring, managing or making yourself wrong, and not being true to you, then chances are you’ve also got that frustrating feeling where you’re resentful at others while also being mad at yourself.
Welcome to the world of internal incongruence.
Internal incongruence is when your heart, head and gut are not on the same page and it causes you to live and act out of alignment with the real, authentic you.
Here are some examples:
Your gut might tell you, “hey don’t do that.” But then your head says, “I have to because… (fill in the blank justification),” and then you walk around feeling irritated, impatient and judgemental.
Or, your feelings get hurt and instead of speaking up you stuff it down and tell yourself to “get over it” or “stop being so sensitive.”
Or you feel alone and upset inside but when someone asks you how you’re doing, you put on a happy face and say, “I’m good! How are you?”
The problem with incongruence is that it doesn’t just stop at living and acting out of alignment with the real, authentic you.
Incongruence sets us up for addictive patterns to come back.
Here’s how it works.
When we’re full of anxiety or judgement, doubting ourselves, feeling resentment or acting inauthenticity, i.e. living incongruently, we create an internal experience of disconnection, delusion and discomfort.
This disconnection, delusion and discomfort drives us to want a sense of ease and comfort, which is where addictive patterns come in.
All an addictive pattern is is an attempt to go for more ease and comfort.
The problem with going to addictive patterns for ease and comfort is that they create a deficit and you wind up experiencing even more disconnection, delusion and discomfort.
The addictive pattern may show up in the way you eat, drink, spend or behave in love and relationships.
Or it may show up in more subtle ways, like being addicted to suffering, managing your image, controlling, fixing or creating chaos.
However it shows up, know this. The addiction itself is not the problem. In fact, it’s the solution. Or at least, it’s been your solution for a long time.
And in many ways it has served you.
But what do you do when you’re done with this pattern and ready for change?
How do you actually break the cycle of discomfort > addictive pattern > more discomfort?
Well, the short answer is, you become congruent internally.
Being congruent means your head, heart and gut are all in agreement and on the same team together. It also means that you are being authentic with the world around you.
For a more in depth discussion about how congruence relates to where you’re at and how to actually become congruent, you check out this Congruence Code Free Training I created for you.
In it, I show you how to not only live free from all addictions, obsessions and self sabotaging patterns by becoming congruent internally, but how to also truly be authentically ALL OF YOU so you can stop holding back and shine your light.
One thing you should know is that congruence isn’t about being good and doing what you “should” be doing.
Congruence is about coming into alignment within yourself and the world around you, so that your YES and your NO comes from your gut guidance – not from your need to please or from your own story about what you “should” do.
When you actually become congruent, you’ll feel it.
Not only will you have a newfound sense of freedom and peace of mind, but you’ll feel a new energy and inspiration that propels you into trying new things that scared you before.
You’ll find you put yourself out there more, you have more joy and you’re just comfortable being you.
You’ll also access a deeper satisfaction and contentment for life, regardless of your external circumstances.
These are not pipe dreams. This is how it is. But don’t take my word for it, here’s some accounts from clients who’ve recently accessed this level of congruence:
“I’m feeling in a really healthy place, being present for my son, and taking good care of myself. I never did that before. I’ve had a spiritual awakening that is so deep that now, even when shit goes down, and I don’t have to fall apart over it. I have this deep knowing in my core I’m not alone. In the past I wouldn’t have shared about things when they were going badly, but now I’m sharing. The shame has gone away.”
“I’m being present and I’m motivated from a place of presence. I’m letting myself be directed, I feel calmer and I’m having more fun! I’ve been doing creative stuff that I’ve been wanting to do for years. I used to “should” myself about it, but now it’s all coming from a place of excitement!”
“I’m good. I’m taking on something bigger in my work than I ever have in 25 years. I’m stretching and growing and doing it all without going to food or any other addiction. I am so grateful for this. I never thought it was possible.”
I share these accounts to show you that it is actually really possible to become congruent and have a brand new, completely upleveled experience of you, your life and the world around you.
So if you get anything out of this article today, get this:
You now know that there is a proven pathway to getting free from all addictions, obsessions and self sabotaging patterns that are standing in between you and the true, authentic you.
So you now have a choice.
Are you ready to become the real you?
I hope you said yes 🙂 because that decision itself just put you on the trajectory to more congruence.
You know where to find me if you want to chat for a few about how to get started on your path. You can grab 15 min on my calendar any time by clicking right here.
Sending you so much love, and holding the vision for you being authentically ALL OF YOU.
In dedication of all things raw, real and recovered,
p.s. If you want to listen to The Congruence Code Free Training on your next walk or long drive, click right here. xoD