There’s a big mistake a lot of smart people are making that’s keeping them stuck. Tell me if you relate…

Trying to fix a sabotage pattern without knowing if it’s an addiction or just a bad habit.

See, if you have an addiction that you’re trying to fix as if it’s a bad habit, you will continue to struggle and feel frustrated.

And, if you’re like most, then instead of investigating the validity your approach, you’ll most likely conclude that something is wrong with YOU that you can’t seem to break the pattern.

This is what keeps so many smart people frustrated, ashamed and stuck. And this is why I wanted to take a quick moment to highlight the differences between a bad habit and an addiction and share what it takes to get free of both.

Because the truth is, if you’re struggling with any sabotage pattern, it’s a sign you’re actually on the brink of a breakthrough, and I want to help you as much as I can to blast beyond your current barrier. ❤️

So let’s dive in…

The most important thing to understand when trying to determine if your sabotage pattern is really an addiction or just a bad habit is to first learn what each is.

A Bad Habit is a negative behavior pattern. Common examples include: Procrastination, overspending, interrupting, being chronically late, complaining, being messy, picking your nose, you get the idea…

An Addiction is anything we do to distract or numb ourselves from an underlying discomfort or dis-ease that when we try to stop doing find we can’t. Common examples include: Food, alcohol, work, relationships/sex, busyness, cell phone overuse, bingeing on tv or Netflix, smoking, obsessing, controlling, trying to fix things.

Addictions can be considered bad habits (i.e. negative behavior patterns) but not all bad habits are addictions.

So how do you know if that thing you do is an addiction or a just a bad habit?

Earlier this week I made a whole video about it which you are welcome to watch on Facebook here. But I also just wanted to give you the distilled version below. 🙂

5 Ways To Tell If That Thing You Do Is A Bad Habit Or An Actual Addiction

After you read through all of these, hit reply and let me know what you suspect about your sabotage pattern…addiction or bad habit?

(If you suspect it’s an addiction, don’t fret. Having an addiction isn’t a death sentence. In fact, in many ways, getting honest that you have an addiction can actually be the very first step in having the life of your dreams. I should know because I’ve gotten free from at least 8 of them and am living the life of my dreams as we speak!)

So here are the 5 strategies.

1. Scare Tactics:

Bad habits will go away if you use a scare tactic, like threatening to punish yourself for each offense. (I had a friend who fined his clients when they reneged on their commitments and the fear tactic worked for them!)

With addiction, this approach wont work because your mind will blot out or minimize the bad consequences and rationalize why either you don’t care about the consequences or you don’t care what the consequences are because the pleasure/fun/relief/enjoyment you’ll get from engaging with the behavior is worth the pain and punishment.

2. Self Knowledge:

Bad habits will go away by understanding your triggers, analyzing your behavior after a “bad habit relapse” or trying to think things through, anticipating the consequences and deciding to not engage with the behavior.

Addictions will never go away from self-knowledge. Many addicts who have exhausted the psychological approach with things like therapy, self-help, personal development, books, and podcasts will attest to that. Here’s why, because the mind is where the delusions and rationalizations are coming from! So we can’t use that same mindset to think our way out of the problem. The mind is part of the problem! It is unreliable when it comes to dealing with addictions.

This is why so many smart people say, “I KNOW what to do but I don’t do it!” They are trying to rely on self-knowledge but self-knowledge will fail them. This is actually why in the first phase of getting free from any addiction, the first thing I guide people to do is to actually set aside your self-knowledge for an open mind and a new experience.

3. Environment Change:

Bad habits will go away if you change your environment. Hang out with a new friend group, join a gym, start juicing, substitute the candy on your desk for a fruit bowl.

Changing your environment can absolutely assist you on your path of freedom from addiction, but this strategy is totally insufficient in actually preventing you from reverting to your old ways or getting free from them altogether. To truly get free from an addiction, you need a body, mind, spirit solution that addresses the underlying discomfort and dis-ease that drives you to the addiction pattern in the first place. Behavior modification is a surface fix that won’t have permanent results.

4. Self-Motivation:

A bad habit can go away through sheer self-motivation. You can coach yourself out of a bad habit through positive thinking and mindset training.

Coaching yourself out of an addiction is like getting into a bus with a driver who’s under the influence. Here’s a few reasons why it’s not a good idea:

• For one, you’re not thinking clearly. This is the big paradox of the addicted mind. It thinks it is being perfectly logical and that it has what it takes to finally beat this. But really it’s operating in delusions that it can’t see.
• Secondly, if you are trying to coach yourself and do everything on your own, then you’re most likely trying to implement the same tools and thinking that brought you to where you are right now. These tools are perfect if what you want is to stay where you are at. But if you want to be free, and go further than where you are now, then you’re going to need new tools, an entirely new approach and most likely a new coach.
• And lastly, let’s face it, most of us typically suck at self-motivation. Have you ever joined a gym and stopped going after a week? Bought a self-study course you didn’t finish? Decided to meditate every day and bailed by day two?

We’ve all experienced that burst of inspiration followed by a fading motivation that stalls out within a week or so. Well, 10x this phenomenon when it comes to addiction, and you’ll start to understand why trying to “coach” yourself through your addiction and being your own cheerleader just doesn’t work. Because what usually happens when we hit one of our stumbling blocks if we’re going at it alone, is we’ll lose steam, get side-tracked, fall off and never get back.

5. Good Habit:

A bad habit will go away by replacing it with a good habit. Been eating ice cream every night? Swap it for a yogurt. Working late again? Set an alarm for 5 o’clock and walk away from your desk no matter what. Wasting hours in screen time? Pick up an art project instead.

An addiction won’t go away by subbing out a good habit. You can have that yogurt chilling in the fridge, but when you walk to the kitchen, you’ll hear the Haagen Dazs calling “pick me! pick me!” You may set that alarm at 5, but when it goes off, you’ll tell yourself, just this last thing… You can have your new paints and canvas laid out on the dining room table, but if that desire hits you to scroll through your feed or binge-watch your favorite series, you’ll ditch the crafts in a second.

Bottom line is that much like changing your environment, surface fixes like trading out a pizza for a bag of popcorn will not actually free you from the addiction. For that, you’ll need a deeper approach. One that gets to the root of what is blocking you and frees you of that. Because once that happens, the underlying discomfort and dis-ease that drove you to addiction will be replaced with an internal sense of ease and comfort and that will cause the addiction pattern to fall away.

This kind of freedom from addiction doesn’t happen overnight. But it does happen – I have witnessed it in countless others – and in my experience, is available to anyone willing to get honest and ask for help. ❤️

Ok, so how did your sabotage pattern match up? Do you sense you have an addiction or bad habit going on? Hit reply and let me know.

And remember, whatever pattern is currently playing out for you, know that this is not a sign that you’re never going to “get this” or that “something is wrong with you.” This is actually a sign that you’re on the brink of a breakthrough and you’re probably closer than you think 🙂

What area of your life does self-doubt creep into the most? This was a hot topic of discussion in The Congruence Collective Facebook Group this week. I even posted a video all about how to stop self doubt that you can watch here.

But even though we got into some powerful dialogue about it, something about the self-doubt topic felt incomplete.

Until this morning, when I was struck with a powerful question that I want to pose to you:

Is it that we really are full of self-doubt about all these areas of our lives? …or rather that we are addicted to needing to know?

(I had to call myself out on this one for sure)

If you recognize self-doubt as nothing more than the fear that comes from not knowing, it does raise an interesting point.

Which is why today, instead of diving deeper into the self-doubt topic, I’d like to go on a different deep dive with you, and share what I consider to be the 5 Primary Qualities Of Inner Trust.

(And then I have a challenge for you that you can read about below)Because at the end of the day, I truly feel that if we can cultivate these 5 Virtues, not only will the self-doubt dilemma vanish, but we will actually uncover and discover an entirely new level of freedom, peace, and ease in our lives.

Are you open for having some more of that?

If so, keep reading and then make sure to check at the bottom for how you can win a prize worth $300 and a prize that’s priceless. 

5 Primary Qualities Of Inner Trust

Humility. Humility is being ok with not knowing. It’s not having the answer and being ok with that. It’s making space and not needing to fill it. It’s not needing things to happen according to your agenda. It’s asking for Guidance and listening for direction.

Patience. Patience is allowing Guidance to come through when and how it is meant to without needing it according to your timeline or in the way you expect. Patience is taking a breath. It’s pausing and creating the space for what is already unfolding. Patience requires humility and humility requires patience.

Willingness. Willingness is doing what your aligned Inner Guidance directs, even if it is not convenient. It’s doing something you don’t necessarily want to do. It’s having an uncomfortable conversation. It’s helping a friend move. It’s doing something different instead of defaulting to an addictive pattern. It’s attuning to the still small voice from within, and staying true to it, even if your personality objects.

Courage. Courage is taking action in spite of your fear of not knowing. It is relying on Source instead of self so that you can be moved beyond what’s familiar, and launch into a new level of embodying the woman or man you are here to be. It’s shedding the need to look good so you can align with a deeper Truth. Courage requires willingness and willingness requires courage.

Discernment. Discernment is differentiating between your “truth” in the moment and The Truth. It’s distinguishing the voice of Inspired Intuition from beliefs and ideas that are driven by fears, attachments, stories, and delusions. It’s understanding when it’s time to pause and listen and when it’s time to act. Discernment requires humility, patience, willingness, and courage.

Now that you know these 5 Inner Trust Qualities, I have a little challenge for you…

The Inner Trust Challenge

Pick an area of doubt or concern in your life (romantic relationships, career, purpose, parenting, finances, etc.) Use these 5 Inner Trust Qualities at least once a day for the rest of this week to consider and reflect on this area of your life.

Tell me if you’ve ever had thoughts like this…

I’ll just do this crazy diet thing until I lose the weight.

If I can just stay away from sugar then I’ll be fine.

I just need to get my portions under control.

If you have, trust me, I totally get it. These were things I used to think too. Until I discovered that none of them led to actual freedom from food addiction.

It kills me to see so many men and women suffering from the same misconceptions I had and staying stuck in the bingeing and obsession cycle.

Which is why l went live on Facebook last Friday to bust 5 Myths About Food Addiction.

You can watch the video on my Facebook page here.

Myth #5, “that if you don’t have a problem in other peoples eyesyou don’t have a problem,” used to get me all twisted up inside.

I felt totally misunderstood and invalidated on the one hand, and still completely obsessive and not normal around food on the other.

It completely messed with my head and made me even more embarrassed and impatient with myself.

Check out all 5 Myths and let me know if you can relate.

One thing I’ve noticed over the years of helping folks get free from food addiction is that, more than anything, what keeps us stuck is trying to fix a problem we don’t fully understand, and doing it with an insufficient, incomplete or downright incorrect approach.

This is what keeps us perpetually in the problem and not believing freedom is possible for us.

Here’s the truth, freedom is possible.

It just isn’t going to come from applying the mainstream strategies that so many others tout. (Others who don’t struggle with not being able to stop once they start eating or eating when they aren’t hungry.)

That’s why I’m so passionate about sharing the real solution to lasting freedom from food. Because that was me. And just like you, I was trying all the things I thought I “should” be doing and feeling stuck.

So I hope this video is as validating for you as was recognizing these common beliefs myths were for me.

And I’d love to hear what you resonated with the most.

If that sounds like something you’d like too, then hit reply to this email, or just click here to access my email and I look forward to connecting more with you soon.

Growing up, I remember two primary emotions in our household: Anxiety and anger. It was normal to have full-blown screaming matches that could wake up the neighbors, and I was no exception. I could rant with the best of them.

But when it came to the softer stuff, like sensing my own sadness or recognizing my deep loneliness or knowing I needed a hug, I didn’t have a clue.

Instead, I would just feel anxious, uncomfortable or misunderstood.

And that would lead me to food.

…or to stuffing my feelings and stewing in resentment.

…or to obsessing and trying to fix myself.

Or to all of the above!

Do you relate to any of this?

If you do, or if you’ve struggled in your own way with feeling and expressing emotions, then you might find last Friday’s Facebook Live “How To Feel Safe Feeling” helpful.

In it, I revealed:

• Why so many of us have a hard time feeling our feelings. (There’s more to it than you may think!)
• 3 insider strategies to start feeling safe feeling now

You can watch the video on my business Facebook page here.

Or catch it on Youtube right here.

Whether you struggle with hyper-sensitivity and stuffing feelings or not even knowing what they are, there will be some nuggets for you in this video because whatever end of the spectrum you fall on, it’s all a part of the same pattern.

If feeling or expressing your feelings is a particular challenge, I want to tell you about Kaitlin.

Kaitlin joined the Freedom Embodied Academy a few months ago so she could stop self-medicating with food, get unstuck in her business and finally feel comfortable feeling her emotions, after decades of being blocked.

Within a few short months, Kaitlin had gotten all three – freedom from the food, on fire in her business and, to use her words, “100% comfortable in my skin and finally able to sit with my feelings.”

Knowing Kaitlin, she would want you to know that she didn’t have some secret trick that you don’t possess. She was just really ready for a change. So when she saw a solution to her problem that resonated for her, she dove in with both feet and showed up fully.

If you find yourself in the same place – really ready for a change, and willing to dive in and show up fully, rest assured that you are already on your path to having exactly that ❤️️