Do you feel blocked by self doubt?
If so, you’re not alone. Self doubt is an epidemic among smart women.
Even when we appear confident to others, inside is often a world of second-guessing, negative thinking and low worth.
Why does this happen?
Some of us we were outright told by someone when we were young that we were wrong or couldn’t trust our instinct.
Others felt like we were never heard or taken seriously so we figured what we had to say wasn’t valuable.
Still others of us had made so many promises to ourselves that we didn’t keep that we lost confidence in ourselves.
Whatever the reason, at some point, we began questioning everything about ourselves and instead of turning within for our sense of trust, worth, meaning and safety, we “Outsourced” that job to others.
We stopped listening to our gut instinct. We let others tell us what is right and wrong. We let information replace our own intuition, and we got further and further away from our true selves.
This is a phenomenon I call the “External Feedback Loop.”
The External Feedback Loop is where you “outsource” your sense of worth and identity to others and so that the way you see yourself is caught up with how others perceive or treat you.
For example, if you get attention, you make that mean that you’re worthy. If you get ignored, you make that mean that you’re not important.
Your entire orientation shifts from being internally centered to being externally focused.
Some common “Outsourcing” patterns are people pleasing, pretending, performing, proving, playing small, holding back, avoiding speaking up, being inauthentic, trying to be perfect or trying to get others to like us.
If you’ve ever been caught up with patterns like these you know that living this way is exhausting…
You never feel like you’re doing enough. You can’t relax and everything feels out of control.